


And We All Move On

by Iced



Category: Arthurian Mythology & Related Fandoms, Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic, Awesome Gwen, Cheating, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Merlin, Infidelity, Insecure merlin, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Morning Sex, Protective Arthur, Protective Knights
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2018-02-17 17:49:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2318054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iced/pseuds/Iced
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pointless hurt/comfort. Set in a world where Gaius is dead, Gwaine is banished, Arthur might be cheating on his girlfriend and the knights of the round table are sweet. Just because.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Merlin hurried down the corridor, with a basketful of fresh flowers for the Lady Ella when he spun around the corner and crashed into heavy suit of armour. The basket went flying.

"Watch it!" A voice snarled.

"S-sorry" he muttered, clutching at his head. He looked up to three angry faces. _Great_ , he thought, moving to pick up the flowers, _it's Arthur's newest knights again._ He braced himself.

"It's you." Big Ugly One exclaimed in stunned glee.

"Can't keep both legs on the ground?" Big Ugly Two sneered.

"Useless servant." Big Ugly Three spitted out.

Merlin picked up his flowers, and retorted, "I said I was sorry, and if it hadn't been for you three blocking the space with your bulk, I wouldn't have lost my balance ..." He swallowed the rest of his sentence as the faces of Big Ugly One, Two and Three contorted in rage.

"Fucking little whore! I heard about you, you know? How you, of all people, lived to tell the tale while Lancelot sacrificed himself to save Camelot. You filthy little servant, you should have died!" Ugly Three snarled and slapped him hard across the face.

Merlin fell to the floor. His heart froze at hearing his own dark thoughts and self-recriminations echoed back at him. 

"You fucking little bitch, that was you? Lancelot was worth ten of you! You're a shit servant with no respect for his betters. We'll teach you some respect!" Ugly One (or was that Ugly Two?) yelled.

He closed his eyes and curled up as fists landed on him. 

 _Magic_ , _use_ _magic!_  A part of Merlin screamed.

 _No,_ Merlin thought,  _No._   _This is penance. Punishment. For not saving_ _Lancelot. I failed them all. Balinor. Freya. Morgana._   _Aithusa._ _Kilgarrah. The city_ his _dragon torched. The people he failed to protect._

Merlin closed his eyes, curling himself up into a ball. 

_I deserve this._

* * *

The assaults happened again.

Again.

And again...

He's taken to avoiding crowds and covering up bruises with more lies and more magic.

He learns that their names are Sir Thorne, Accalon, and Walder.  

He thinks his fellow servants see his injuries, but they kick him out anyway. 

* * *

 

The knights caught up with him again. 

"You little snake, the King would be grateful to us for knocking some sense into you." Thorne hissed between punches. 

Merlin does not respond. _Arthur doesn't know._ _He can't know that I have magic,_  he squeezed his eyes shut. _He doesn't know all the terrible things I've done._  

"Are you deaf, little whore? God, you're so useless, I wonder why the King keeps you around", Walder jeered.

_He doesn't know that I_ _deserve this._

"You deserve this. You deserve everything we're giving you", Accalon snarled. 

Merlin flinched. His eyes flew open when he feels large hands snaking around his throat, throttling him. 

"Ggh-gghuh s-sto", he wheezed, "p-p-lease". Merlin struggled weakly. 

Someone kicked him painfully in the stomach and blessed darkness fills his vision. 

 

* * *

 

"Merlin? Merlin!" A hand grasped at his shoulder, shaking slightly

"STOP!!!!" Merlin screamed, high and terrified, as his eyes flew open and he lifted his arms to shield his head.

"Merlin? Merlin, what happened? Who did this?" Arthur asked angrily, bent over Merlin, who was curled up on the floor. Arthur's eyes grazed Merlin's bruised face and split lip, slowly edging towards his panicked manservant.

 _It's Arthur_ , Merlin thought vacantly. His eyes drifted back shut.

"Merlin? Can you hear me? Merlin!" 

"Yes. I'm... I'm fine Arthur. I just.. Fell asleep here and had a... a nightmare that's all." Merlin exhaled shakily, the force of his trembling stuttering his words.

"The hell you did," breathed Arthur fiercely, "what happened?"

Merlin's thin frame trembled, his eyes rolling backwards as he became dead to the world.

"Shit!"

* * *

Merlin woke up to familiar surroundings.

He was in Arthur's chamber. On his bed.

"Merlin."

He jumped. Arthur hovered behind his bed, a wet cloth in hand.

"S-sire?" Merlin asked, confused"

"You're hurt," Arthur stated mildly, moving towards Merlin. "Don't tell me you fell asleep. Don't insult my intelligence like this. Someone did this to you and I want to know who and why."

"It's fine." He replied quickly, eyes downcast. "I'm fine". 

"Merlin," Arthur said warningly, sitting on the bed next to Merlin with a soft thump.

Merlin stared at Arthur's hands. He drooped his head, hands curled around the comforter.

"Arthur, it's nothing. I'm just a servant. You don't have to worry about your manservant, Arthur. You're... You're the King now remember? I made a mistake. That's all. Don't worry yourself with my troubles." Merlin slurred out, refusing to meet Arthur's eyes.

Arthur shifts closer.

"That changes nothing, Merlin! I may be King, but I am still Arthur. No one bullies my men and get away with it. You know this!" Arthur exclaimed.

"I.. I," Merlin shook his head vehemently, biting his lip.

Arthur watched in horror as the shiny sheen in his eyes swelled. He shifted even closer and placed his hands on Merlin's.

"Merlin, if someone has hurt or wronged you, I'd want to know." Arthur insisted, concern shining in his eyes.

"It's just... It's nothing much, Arthur. You don't, you don't have to know," Merlin said haltingly, "S-silly of me to be upset. So stupid."

"If it bothers you, I'd want to know." Arthur gripped Merlin's hands between his, stroking his palm, encouraging.

"It's... It's nothing really, just. Since Gaius left I h-h-haven't found a place to stay and the servants, they don't like me at all because I'm your manservant and it's not like I'm good at what I do - I'm terrible at what I do. They didn't like me staying with them so I left and my god, Arthur, I don't know what to do. I don't have friends anymore because... Because Gwen's going to be Queen! And Lancelot's dead, Gaius is gone, Gwaine's not here and the knights... the new knights, they don't like me very much." Merlin blurted out, in a panicked rush. 

Arthur looked horrified. "Merlin! You should have told me about finding a place to stay! Did you, did you think I would send you away? Why didn't you come to me?" 

"No! No. I didn't. I just. I don't know why. I don't know why I didn't... I'm s-s-sorry, Arthur." Merlin said, eyes wet with unshed tears. 

"Who did this to you? I want names Merlin, names!" Arthur yelled, red-faced. 

"No! It's not them. It was me. They, they had to. It was my fault." Merlin shut his eyes and braced himself to tell the truth. "It's my fault that Lancelot is dead. And it's true, they were right, I could've saved him I shouldn't have let him die for us. I should have died. They just told the truth. And they were drunk and t-they...." Merlin breathed harshly, cutting his panicked rant short.

Arthur looked on in horror as Merlin continued, oblivious. "It's fine though, I'm used to it. Don't blame them. It's not always this bad. I just... They just... It hurts and I can't ask you because they'll get mad and I don't have herbs to make it stop hurting because Gaius... Gaius he-" Merlin broke off, eyes threatening to spill.

Arthur reached for his sword instinctively, "They hit you? My knights, they hit you?" He asked angrily. 

Merlin gave a tiny nod.

Arthur was at a loss for words. "Merlin... You shouldn't have waited this long to tell me."

Merlin flinched, "I'm sorry sire, I shouldn't have burdened you with my problems, you don't need to bother yourself with me, it's no question of responsibility or honour, sire. I'll take care of my-"

"No stop, what part of this makes it look like you have to apologise? If anything the fault lies with me." Arthur cut across his rambling.

Merlin gaped slightly. He closed his mouth.

"I shouldn't need to be taught how to think for others," Arthur said as it dawned on him.

"No sire, I-" Merlin panicked.

"Merlin," Arthur clutched his hands, "I am sorry. I have neglected you. You are a part of my household and it is my duty to protect you. I didn't pay enough attention," Arthur shook his head guiltily, "It's my job to care for and think about my people and I haven't done that, not even after Guinevere's drilled that into my head after so many years."

"Arthur, no. Never your fault, it's not-" 

"By the gods, I let my knights beat up a civilian." Arthur looked at him in horror.

"It's not your fault, Arthur," Merlin gripped his hands back. "You do care. You go out of the way for Gwen, your father, your knights and even your people. You think for all those dearest to you... Especially the most important people in your life. You were kind, even to the servants. Like Gwen." He paused, his smile pained. "She'll make a great Queen." Merlin swallowed and continued nonchalantly. "They're important, and you treasure them. You care so much, Arthur. Never think like that." Merlin smiled, his eyes strange and sad. He blinked tiredly.

"I care about you too, you know that, don't you?" asked Arthur, a phantom ache in his chest as he heard what Merlin was _not_ saying. He shook his head and rubbed circles back into the back of Merlin's cold hands. "I really do."

"It's okay, Arthur. It is what it is. You're King now, I know you're busy. You shouldn't be wasting time on caring about useless manservants who can't do their chores right." Merlin smiled tiredly, "You're the King. You have important things to worry about. I get it. You don't have to worry or explain yourself. You don't."

"Stop. How could you possibly think that you're not important? You're the most idiotic, lazy, rude and worst manservant I've ever had - yes," Arthur shook Merlin's shoulders. "Look at me Merlin. You're my servant. You're mine. You stayed by my side when no one else did. You saved my life and drank poison for me when we barely knew each other. You're the bravest person I know. You're my best friend. A man cannot live with those closest to him, and neither, can a King."

Merlin stared at Arthur, shock ringing his tired eyes.

Arthur sets a hand on his cheek and budged closer to Merlin. He was impossibly close.

"You're an idiot, but you're not afraid to speak your mind when I'm in the wrong. You're the bravest man I've ever met. You're the most loyal, selfless and stupidly self-sacrificing idiot I've ever-"

Arthur was caught off-guard by Merlin lunging at him. Merlin hugged his waist and clutched at his shift, sniffling quietly. Sobs and trembles racketing through his body. Arthur stilled at Merlin's sudden tactile closeness, then pressed Merlin to his chest hard. 

"And you do have your adorable moments. You're such a girl, Merlin." Arthur said, smiling down into Merlin's hair.

Merlin looked up. His voice was hoarse as he gave a watery smile, "You calling me cute, sire?"

 _His lips were swollen red (and lovely) from crying_ , Arthur thought. He gave himself a mental shake.

"It's the clumsiness and the mental affliction. The endless accidents start to grow on you, unfortunately", Arthur shook his head.

Merlin let out a small bark of laughter. His eyebrows drew close together in a frown as he clutched his stomach, as if in pain. His tongue licking the corner of his split lip.

 _I'll kill them_ , Arthur thought as his eyes follows Merlin's tongue and split lip. 

"Your pratness grows on me too, sire". Quipped Merlin. His smile more beautiful and natural than it was mere moments ago.

"That's not a word." Arthur retorted.  _I've missed him_ , he thought as he absentmindedly stroked Merlin's cheek. Struck by the realisation, Merlin's closeness and the overpowering sense of protectiveness, Arthur did the only natural thing in the moment: he cupped Merlin's face with his hands and leaned in to press their lips together.

Merlin gave a little gasp, eyes as big as saucers. Arthur closed his eyes and flicked the tip of his tongue against the plush lower lip. His lips grazed the wound on Merlin's lower lip. Merlin jerked slightly and moaned, but did not turn away. Arthur took the opportunity to coax his tongue between Merlin's open lips, slipping past his teeth. He sighed as Merlin opened up tentatively, pressing closer, hips grinding against Arthur's involuntarily. Their kiss grew heated, passionate, then broke apart to catch their breaths.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked questioningly. He looked strangely abashed, shy even.

"Merlin." Arthur smiled. His gaze lingered on Merlin's flushed cheeks, lips red and swollen. "You look good like this, underneath me. Where no one else can look at you or touch you, but me."

Merlin laughed awkwardly, running his hand through his hair.

 _T_ _here are_   _bruises_ ringed _around his wrists_ , _by the gods, he'll kill them_. Arthur cursed inwardly, and intertwined his hands in Merlin's.

His bony wrists and protruding cheekbones stuck out in the dim candlelight, and Merlin looked for all in the world like he hadn't eaten properly in weeks. Arthur didn't miss the way the nervous way he clenched and unclenched his free hands _(as if he was afraid of Arthur, or afraid that Arthur would - and nope, Arthur was not going there. He wasn't_ ). Barely perceivable trembles shook his slight frame.

"You stay with me." Arthur declared, voice muffled by the wild shock of black curls on Merlin's head.

"Bossy," Merlin choked out, smiling slightly as Arthur pressed him into his chest.

"You are not to leave my chambers until I have solved the problem with my knights." Growled Arthur. _He was never letting this idiot go, god he made such a huge mistake-_

"Arthur I can't stay! What about Gwen, you can't-" Merlin started in his arms.

"You can and you will. Guinevere... is none of your concern" Arthur said, running his large hands up and down Merlin's back soothingly.

"It's not fair to Gwen-" Merlin argued, pulling away from Arthur ( _now that was just unacceptable_ ).

"Gwen?" asked Arthur incredulously, "Merlin don't you ever think for yourself?"

"It... would not be the right thing to do." Merlin said, hands convulsing against Arthur's chest.

"Trust me to do what's right by you," Arthur pleaded, "the both of you."

Merlin laughed, "I'm not a good person." He breathed shakily, "I deserved it," gesturing at his face, "I had it coming. I'm a terrible-"

"No. No, you're not. You're the best person I've ever met. Look, I know. I know about the magic." Arthur clenched out. Merlin froze in his arms, eyes wide with fright. His breath quickened and he looked on the verge of a panic attack.

"No, I'm not angry with you! I'm not angry about the magic. I'm angry because you didn't think to defend yourself! Or come to me for help, you giant idiot! You're the most guileless, stupid, useless manservant ever, but you're mine, and you're a good person. I promise you, if it is in my power I will see that you are never harmed again." Arthur exclaims.

"You... You can't say that. You just. You can't. You don't know half of what I've done! I... It's my fault... It's all my fault... I could have helped. I, I sent her away. I _poisoned_ her." Merlin laughed uncontrollably, crying. "You don't understand. You can't! You think me a hapless idiot, but you don't know what I've done." Merlin can't seem to stop. "You know what's the worst part about this all? You'll hate me if you knew. I could have saved them. Will, Freya, Lance, Morgana, your father, Aithusa, so many people... It's all my fault! I should have saved them. All my fault." Merlin broke, tears streaming down his face.

"Okay," Arthur said.  _Gods it was worse than he'd expected_ , Arthur thought. The survivor's guilt, the depressed haze Merlin's been carrying around in the past few weeks seemed to have manifested itself and reared its broken, ugly head. Merlin looked exhausted, eyes rimmed in red, bruises littering his body. He looked like he had just taken a pounding, been kissed by his King (who was in the midst of romancing his _friend_ ), and had just about emotionally exploded everywhere.

"Okay. It's okay. You need to rest. We can talk about this later. Let's get you some sleep. Shhh." Arthur murmured. 

Merlin stared, numbly. He nodded, closing his eyes as he slumped tiredly into Arthur's bed.

"Sleep. I won't leave you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so terribly sorry for not updating sooner. Life has been terribly busy and stressful for me. To make up for this, I bring you... sex.

The next morning, Merlin awoke disorientated at sound of knocking as he looked around groggily at his surroundings. Bright sunlight splashed on luxurious, crimson sheets. He blinked in confusion. Merlin froze, seeing a shock of blond hair next to him.  _I'm in Arthur's bed_ , Merlin thought in bewilderment. Events from the previous night slammed into his head as he bolted upright and groaned in pain. _Oh god, I cried and bawled into Arthur’s shirt like a bloody_ girl, he thought, horrified. 

“Good morning.” Arthur intoned sleepily. Merlin twitched in surprise. He stared at Arthur. 

There was a knock on the door. 

"Come in", Arthur ordered. 

The door opened and a maidservant breezed through. _Maria,_ Merlin thought. She curtseyed and kept her head down as she carried a huge platter of eggs, sausages, wine and meat to the bed. Merlin’s mouth watered. Her face betrayed no expression of surprise as she noticed Merlin sprawled next to the King underneath the covers.

Schooling her expression to one of masked blandness, she asked, “Would that be all, your majesty?”

“That would be all, Maria. Please tell the steward that I have need of him later and to make sure he is available for the entirety of noon.”

“Yes, sire.” She curtseyed and left the room, door snapping shut behind her. Merlin led out a sigh. This was going to travel to half the castle by midday.

Merlin shifted, his stomach making its hollow displeasure known as it rumbled loudly. Merlin flushed, sickened with embarrassment at his own weakness. _This is_  Arthur’s _breakfast!_ _Remember when you stole his food and called him fat? Remember when you stole his food for Freya? Or when you nicked his sausages last week because the servants ate all your food? Arthur_ _did not like it then, and he would not like it now._ Merlin berated himself inwardly. 

A traitorous voice in him reasoned,  _But you haven't eaten a proper meal in ages. It wouldn't hurt to ask, right?_   _At most Arthur would just say no_ _. Arthur wouldn’t mock or. Or laugh at him like the others. Wouldn’t he? Arthur would understand. Arthur would –_

“Eat,” Arthur ordered, cutting across his panicked floundering. Merlin felt pink tinge at his cheeks as he clasped his hands in shame. _Had he been that obvious in his neediness and desperation?_

“Eat or I’ll feed you myself,” Arthur repeated, eyes sharp as they trailed down Merlin’s protruding collarbones and skinny wrists.

Merlin flushed. He sat up quickly and pain exploded in his ribs and abdomen. A haze of red and grey flickered across his vision as he clutched at his middle, a choked groan forcing its way out. His arms gave out beneath him as he fell back against the bed. Merlin screwed his eyes shut, tears prickling at the corners of his eyelid as his breaths quickened. _Fuck, it hurts._

“Good god, Merlin. Breathe, breathe with me.” Arthur's clear, calm voice rang authoritatively through his fuzzy thoughts. “Breathe. It’s alright.” Merlin was manoeuvred carefully from his position and a large hand urged his head down to rest against a strong, firm chest. He opened his eyes and looked up to Arthur's piercing blue eyes. Arthur wore an inscrutable expression on his face.

Arthur reached for a spoonful of scrambled eggs. “Open,” he said and Merlin complied obediently. He felt like a child, useless and insolent, resting weakly against Arthur’s chest.

After a few minutes of delicious eggs and sausages, he could stomach no more. Arthur wolfed down the remaining food, offering his wineskin to Merlin. Merlin swallowed, the bitter taste of the alcohol slid down his throat, relieving his parched throat. Arthur stroked Merlin’s hair absent-mindedly, seemingly lost in thought. Arthur shifted in his position.

Abruptly Merlin noticed. a long, hard length poking at him from behind. His flushed at the obvious tent in Arthur’s pants and felt his own arousal growing. He pulled away, mortified by his body’s betrayal. A pair of arms quickly stopped him, trapping his arms in place.

“Let me", said Arthur suddenly.

Merlin stilled.

"I want to. Please?” Arthur asked quietly.

Merlin stared. This was Arthur. Arthur, his King, his beautiful blonde prince. His Arthur, who cares about him and would punish those who hurt him. Arthur, who sends his pulse racing and makes his heart ache. Arthur, whom he loves. Merlin nodded hesitantly. He opened his mouth to tell Arthur that _he didn’t have to and that it was all_ fine, _Arthur didn’t have to pander to Merlin’s wants and problems and –_

“Shhh, stop thinking. Let me take care of you,” Arthur hushed him, finger on his lips, pupils dark and dilating. His right hand slid down to cup the front of Merlin’s thin, cotton pants. Merlin let out a stuttering breath. He watched breathlessly as Arthur’s hand caressed his hard cock that tented from the insides of his pants, slipping even lower to cup and roll his balls through the thin cotton. He let out a whine as his hips bucked up uncontrollably.

Arthur chuckled, lips curving in apparent satisfaction. Merlin stared, transfixed as Arthur hooked his fingers around the elastic of Merlin’s cotton pants and slid the material down slowly. Just as he was about to uncover Merlin’s cock, he stopped. Using both hands, he lifted the cloth and slid it up and down, torturing Merlin through the thin cloth.

“Ungh… Arthur.. No. Don’t tease please.” Merlin pleaded. Arthur bent his head over and tugged at Merlin’s lips with his own. Merlin stared up at him. Arthur licked at his lips and nibbled playfully, all while holding Merlin’s eyes as he slid his hand up and down Merlin's hardness below. Merlin closed his eyes as his hips bucked up involuntarily. Too much, and too little at the same time. _He needed more_. 

In a swift, hard motion, Arthur yanked his cotton pants off and pushed his hand into Merlin’s boxers, tugging Merlin’s erection out and baring his skin to the cool morning air. Merlin’s eyes flew open as he moaned at the sudden ferocity of Arthur’s motions, a wave of arousal hitting him. Holding Merlin tightly in his arms and leaving no room for motion, Arthur wrapped his fist around Merlin’s hard cock and stroked up and down, teasing the foreskin. Precum gathered at the head of his red cock, glistening in the sunlight. Arthur pinched the head of his cock, rubbing the sensitive underside of the engorged head. Merlin writhed and jerked in Arthur’s firm hold, groaning in one part pain and two parts pleasure.

“Stop moving or you’ll hurt yourself,” Arthur scolded as he lifted a thick arm across Merlin’s chest and trapped Merlin’s arms while the other hand chased Merlin’s orgasm mercilessly. He teased and tugged and pulled at Merlin’s cock as Merlin’s breath quickened and wanton moans filled the large chamber. Sensing that Merlin was close, Arthur abruptly withdrew. He leaned back to pull down his trousers just enough to free his cock. 

Merlin inhaled sharply at the thick, hard length that poked him from underneath his thighs. Arthur swirled his fingers around the tip of Merlin’s cock, smearing precum onto his own length. Merlin whined and thrust his hips up into thin air.

“I want… need you” Merlin gasped out.

Arthur’s eyes dilated as he twisted his neck to plunder Merlin’s mouth in a rough, messy kiss. Arthur mouthed down and sucked a bruise into the tender skin on his neck. He pushed Merlin’s body higher up to sit on his lap and pushed his cock towards the gap in between Merlin’s legs. Merlin moaned at the not-inconsiderable girth in between his legs and squeezed. Arthur’s eyes slammed shut and he let out a low, guttural groan.

"You have me. Don't you see what I'm doing Merlin? I'm going to fuck your pretty little thighs with my cock." He gripped Merlin’s cock with both hands, jerking him off and thrust from behind. Arthur’s thrusts quickened at he revelled in the heat of Merlin, willing and desperate above him, trapped between his thighs. "You like that?" 

"Yes! Oh god, yes, Arthur!" Merlin cried out.

"I know. I'm going to fuck your thighs while I jerk off your pretty little cock and you squirm on me", Arthur whispered in his ear, as his hand quickened on Merlin's cock. Merlin thrusts into Arthur’s warm, firm fists, the obscene sound of slick flesh slapping slick flesh making him flush. He gasps and lets out involuntary moans, in time with the thrusts.

"You make me want to pin you down and have my way with you. Gods Merlin. Who taught you to moan like such a harlot?" Arthur sucked on his neck.

Merlin came with a cry as Arthur thumbed at his slit, his vision flashing white. He laid there dazed and oversensitive as Arthur continued fondling his softening length. Arthur continues to thrust into the gap of his thighs, chasing his own orgasm.

“Yes. Ung—Merlin. Make it good for me. Unffgh. So good for me. Maybe next time I will – ah. Fuck your tiny – tiny little virgin hole. You’d take it, wouldn’t you? Or – You could fuck me. I’d ride you like you want it. You’d be good for me, wouldn’t you? You would take it all…” Arthur gasped as Merlin clamped his thighs shut, whining slightly but holding his thighs tightly shut even as Arthur’s hard length thrust against his oversensitive cock.

Arthur cried out, riding out his orgasm as Merlin reached to stroke and scratch at his nipples underneath his shift. Ribbons of white painted Merlin’s thighs and belly.

Panting, Arthur removed his shirt and haphazardly wiped at the release between Merlin’s thighs and on himself. Throwing the shirt to the floor he let go of Merlin and pushed him gently to settle next to him. Arthur removed Merlin’s shirt and half-heartedly swiped at the remaining come on both of them. Throwing the comforter above their bodies, He tipped Merlin’s head towards his and kissed him slowly, lips and tongue exploring, like he had all the time in the world.

Merlin's eyes drooped as fatigue won the battle for consciousness.

“Sleep now. You need to rest.” Arthur said, stroking Merlin’s hair as he spooned Merlin from behind. Merlin hummed sleepily, already half asleep, curled up next to Arthur and burrowed his head into the soft silk pillow.

 _Pendragon red_ , Merlin thought as his eyes drifted shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do leave comments :D I'd love to hear from some of you! One more chapter to go...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I'm not dead. I promise to update the final chapter soon (and I won't take 2 years this time).

Merlin woke up alone on a large bed to the evening sky. Sunlight slowly sank beneath the horizon, and threads of light lingered in the sky, mingling with the rolling clouds, dyeing the heavens first orange, then red, then dark blue. 

"Gods! I slept through the day!" He cried out.  _His duties! Arthur is going to be so cross._

He flung himself to his feet, only to find that his coltishly weak limbs could not support his weight as he crashed noisily to the floor. He groaned, clutching his head as he screwed his eyes shut. He crawled to a half-sprawl on the floor. 

"Merlin?" There was a knock at the door. "Merlin! Oh my goodness!" 

 _It's Gwen_ , he realised with a start. Guilt flooded into him as he thought about what he and Arthur had... _What he did to Gwen._

She rushed over to his side, "Good heavens, what happened to you? You look like you just ran into a herd of angry wild boars. Are you alright?" She lifted him up into a standing position as he leaned against her.

"I... sort of did." Merlin confessed. 

She tutted at him, carrying his weight without complaint. She hefted him carefully onto the bed. "Well you're having a better day than the Steward, at the very least. Arthur spent the last three hours yelling at him. God knows why, something about not conducting his duties with due diligence, leaving some poor servant out to starve, and not reporting signs of abuse and injury." Her eyes flashed angrily as she sniffed and continued, "I hope the Steward gets what he deserves. Serves him right, all those years of staring us down haughtily and giving you extra chores just because he never liked you gaining Uther's favour so quickly..."

Merlin's eyes went wide with shock. "No. Gwen ... I need - I need to speak to Arthur. Please, he doesn't understand. It isn't the Steward's fault, it was mine. Mine, mine, mine." Merlin let out an uncontrollable sob as he lost his cool around his friend. 

Her eyes widened in surprise as she took in his words. "Merlin, what..?"

"I l-let the knights... the new knights h-h-hit me. It isn't the Steward's fault that I deserved it. He also can't help that all the other servants  _hate_ me." 

Her eyes flew to his as understanding dawned on her.  _"_ Merlin! The knights, they were hurting you!" Her hands flew to her mouth in horror. "Why didn't you us sooner? Don't say that, you would never deserve something like this. Never in a thousand years, never you, Merlin" She hugged him as he shut his eyes and pressed his lips together, refusing to cry.

"You can't... you can't feel sorry for me. You don't. You don't even know what I did!" Merlin's mouth twisted, his eyes wild with tormented anger. "You should be angry at me! You-you should want me dead! I made Arthur  _cheat_  on you! You love him and you trusted me and I... I let you down. I let you down and I let Lance down and Morgana and Will and Freya and I deserved every fucking thing  _they_  threw at me. I should have died, I could have died to save them. But I'm selfish and I didn't and they're dead and gone and I'm so fucking sorry Gwen, I'm sorry I betrayed you, I'm so, so sorry", Merlin sobbed and cried, shaking uncontrollably. His breaths quickened into short, stilted pants as he struggled for air. Too far gone to control his outburst or to remember how to  _breathe_. 

"Merlin. Stop." Gwen, shouted. "Merlin! Deep breaths. Listen to me! In and out. That's right. Breathe with me, Merlin. Breathe".  _Good god, what has happened to her friend? He's unrecognisable, mired in guilt and self-loathing._

Merlin looked down, ashamed. "How can you, how can you not slap him like you should? I betrayed you, betrayed your trust," He felt like the scum beneath her boots. "Gwen... I'm sorry. I ... I shouldn't have  _enticed_ Arthur. I made him cheat on you. Arthur doesn't, he doesn't feel anything for me. It was a mistake. He loves you. It was all my fault, I  _made_  him do it ..."

"I would appreciate if you did not lie to me, Merlin." Gwen interrupted, slowly "You don't have to spare my feelings by lying for Arthur. I'm not an idiot, I know exactly why he did what he did".

Merlin looked up hopelessly at her, feeling like the worse fucking person in the entire Albion. "You ... I, what I allowed. That wasn't right, you should hate me. You -" 

"I would be lying," she continued, unperturbed, "if I said that I am surprised. Arthur... he was never the same around me after you returned from - after Lancelot died." She gave him a small, pained smile. 

"I should have died. You don't understand Gwen, I should have died instead of Lance. Lance, he -" 

"Lancelot lived with honour and valour. He died a hero's death. He sacrificed his life to save his friends, his King, and his country. You will not insult his memory by suggesting that his sacrificed was made in error or in jest. Do you understand me?" Gwen stopped Merlin, steel in her eyes. "Lance left us.  _You_  nearly did too."

"No- Yes, I didn't mean. I..." Merlin blabbed, feeling more pathetic by the second.

Gwen's eyes softened. "No, you would never. You're too good, too kind to imply such a thing. If only the other servants weren't stupid enough to see how much you've done for Camelot."

"You should hate me", Merlin shook his head. He choked out a laugh. "I'd deserve it". 

"How could I ever hate you, knowing what you did for my father and I?" Gwen asked.

His head shot up, eyes wild with shock. "Gwen, y-you what...?"

"You're magic. I knew, of course - I knew. I knew the moment you confessed it to Uther to save me. Even back then, it made perfect sense. That there was no one else who would have risked their life to save my father, and there was no one else as selfless as you." Gwen swallowed. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, and opened them slowly.

"Gwen. No, you don't have to..."

"No, shut up. Let me finish." she snapped, visibly upset. "I owe you an impossible debt. And you must not blame yourself for Lance - or any of your friends that you failed to protect. But I am as certain as I was all those years ago when you saved my father, that you did your best with Lance."

Merlin shook his head in disbelief, overcome at what he was hearing.

"And I might not know all your friends. But I know that you are blind to your selflessness." She touched his cheek, "Listen to me, Merlin. I know you. I know that you were willing to sacrifice your life for someone you've never met - my father - so I too, know without a shadow of a doubt, that you would have fought ten times as hard to save a friend." Gwen stroked his hair, her eyes hidden in the dim light of the setting sun. 

Merlin's eyes glittered. "Gwen..." 

 _"Oh_  Merlin. You carry far too much on your shoulders. All your secrets and sacrifices, I can't even imagine the burden you must shoulder ... Magic and Uther drove Morgana to insanity, but you never succumbed to the darkness. She is responsible for her own madness and you cannot blame yourself for that." She hugged him tightly. "And god knows you can't make a person  _cheat_. Arthur did whatever the hell he wanted to. And he  _finally_ decided to declare his undying devotion to you while you were hurting and when you needed him. I could never hate you for that." 

He shook his head, feeling his heart sink even further at her refusal to place the blame on him. "I should have known better." 

"Nay." She breathed. "Maybe it is  _I_  whoshould have known better." 

Merlin's head shot up. "What?" Utter confusion showed on his face. 

"Arthur pursued me... And I accepted his affections while my heart was still bleeding and yearning for Lancelot. While I knew that  _you_  were head over heels  _in love_ with Arthur." She shook her head, shooting him a sorrowful smile. "You never once begrudged me for this? No?"

Merlin shook his head vehemently. "Never, Gwen."

She smiled painfully. "No, of course you didn't. I stood between the two of you  _knowing_ how you felt for him and how inconsolable you were in your unhappiness. I danced and paraded around the castle with the man you love, and I didn't care enough to consider what that must have done to you, my best friend. My stupidly self-sacrificing best friend, who would never hurt a fly and who would never have done what  _I_ did.Perhaps I was setting myself up for a world of pain in choosing to betray  _you_."

"No. No. Gwen, no. It doesn't matter. You and Arthur - you're meant to be. However unhappy I was, it does not. It does not make what happened this morning right," Merlin said, brokenly. 

"No, it doesn't". She kissed his forehead. "And I cannot forgive him. Not yet. Maybe I never will." She smiles, "But it does not mean that my anger and heartache is yours to shoulder. Had I been a good friend, had I been honest about my own bleeding heart, I would not have leapt into Arthur's arms, knowing how it must have hurt you. Had I been a good friend, we would not be where we are today." She pressed their foreheads together. "Will you ever forgive me for that, Merlin?" 

He stared at her. "There's nothing to forgive". 

She let out a choked laugh, "then you must know how I feel. I could never hate you."

"It's still not the same", Merlin looked at her, eyes filled with anguish.

"No. It's not. Arthur betrayed my trust and our relationship." Gwen stared at him, "I broke your heart."

Merlin gazed at her, lost for words. He recalls the sinking feeling and despair of watching Arthur and Gwen dance around each other. He remembers his faux smiles and forced confidence, as he cheered Arthur on in his pursuit of Gwen. He remembers jealousy and the resultant guilt it engendered. He remembers the lightness in his step growing heavier as Arthur flew further and further out of his reach. He remembers being stuck in a spiral of shame and anger - anger with himself for getting his hopes up and shame for thinking that he even stood a chance. He remembers feeling  _heartbroken_. 

Clearing his throat, he clutched her hand. "Gwen, I don't know what to say." Tears spilled over his eyes. "I didn't do right by you and I don't deserve you." 

"Nor I you, and look at the both of us," she laughed, wiping her eyes. "Crying over Arthur Pendragon."

Merlin shook his head, wiping the tears from his face. He shuffled closer to her. Gwen hugged him closely, mindful of his many injuries. Her eyes welled up again, seeing how skinny, how bruised and how tired he is. 

Minutes passed. Gwen and Merlin sat next to each other in companionable silence, awaiting Arthur's return. 

 _Fucking Arthur,_  she thought angrily.  _If he doesn't clean up this mess with Merlin and kill the beasts responsible for hurting him, she would_  never _forgive him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm lowkey thinking of shipping the three of them together now. I couldn't find it in myself to brush Gwen aside without addressing Merlin's guilt. They ended up with a lot more chemistry than I had originally planned. What do you guys think? I know the story didn't start out this way, so I'll take a poll. Arthur/Merlin/Gwen or just Arthur/Merlin as endgame?

**Author's Note:**

> TBC. With more hurt comfort.


End file.
